GOODBYE SUNSHINE... Sunshine continues to rear its ugly head in my life. At one time I laid dying in the sunshine. Another time I found out about the infidelity between my ex-husband" and a very dear friend of mine … from sunshine. Sunshine poisoned me once too. Oh, and for months the thought of seeing the sky, where sunshine likes to live, put me in a fetal position. Sunshine has cost me a lot of money, and on several occasions caused me to miss out on vacations & a lot of other fun things too. My friends and family would ditch me because of sunshine, sorta, but it wasn't their fault, sunshine made them. Truth be told, I am jealous of the sun. My relationship with that big ole ball of toxic gases has been a rocky one, one which I now will expound upon but beware it's not all rainbows and sunshine.
My very best friend from high school, "Andi", once told me I looked like I had been dipped in mayonnaise. Then handed me some sunscreen that burned my skin, caused my eyes to water for hours and made me paler than I already was. I was in the 10th grade headed on a school trip to Sapelo Island, Georgia. I would by chance sit next to my future husband, and father of my three sons. "Andi" and I were kindred souls, she lost her father to pneumonia, and I had lost my mother to gun violence, shortly after my 10th birthday. "Andi" loved the sun and loved a few cruel men along her short journey in life. She could tan hours in the sun and get prettiest brown while I burned so bad I got sun poison. It wasn't long before Tiffany stayed indoors, dark oasis, and shady places, because friends and family were headed into the arms of my enemy...sunshine. "Andi" and her young son would die in a fire, just as we were beginning to live in our 20's. It isn't fair the little fella never got to play very much in the sun. My mom, and “Andi" are in heaven with lots of sunshine, but I am jealous, and still angry that they are not here on earth. My mom's story and her death due to two men and a gun deserves its own 128 Podcast and 128 Blog.
HELLO SUNSHINE, those two words, were not texted to me but to my husband (we are officially divorced, kinda goes without saying, another time, another podcast, another blog). I read HELLO SUNSHINE over and over, it was to him, and it was the woman he was having an affair with and my dear friend, and each time a new text in the morning began with HELLO SUNSHINE! He replied with innuendos & eventually those texts alluded to moments that were not done in the sunshine but in the dark. She and I had for 13 years raised our children together. I spent 3 days at her house, taking care of her and her children when she could not get out of bed due to her husband leaving her. I took her kids to play in the sunshine those 3 days too. I have so many memories of our children being in the sun together. Now the greeting of HELLO SUNSHINE is a memory of him and her being together. HELLO SUNSHINE just reminds me; I lost friend of 13 years and my best friend of 33 years. Sunshine got more than a pound of flesh from me that day, here comes sun, here comes the pain. HELLO SUNSHINE, would hurt me in so many different ways. GOODBYE SUNSHINE!
I have to make it outside into the sun or I will die. I could not walk, and dragged myself, one arm in front of the other, half of my clothes on, bleeding from both legs, knowing that the help I begged & pleaded for was NOT on the way. I had been left to die, in the dark, in a windowless bathroom on cold tile. One hour and twenty-eight minutes abandoned, I didn't even get the sympathy of a wounded mangy dog hit and dying on the side of the road. I only wanted to make it into the sunshine, into the arms of my lifelong sworn enemy, the sun. I remember feeling the bricks, hot from the sunshine, on my belly, as I inched myself onto our back porch. I tumbled off the porch into the dirt and into the sunshine. It was a beautiful October day. I looked up at the sky, the sun was so bright, my last words were to God. I thank him for His love, I was sorry for allowing the Devil to live in my home, I asked God's forgiveness and to forgive those who hurt me and left me to die in that house. I was going to be a sunbeam in heaven with "Andi", her little son, my mom and my dad. My dad was buried alive, suffocated by cold dirt, alone, no light, only dark. I know he was scared. So, it is not so bad for me, compared to the death of my mom, who like me had been shot in a bathroom, but she was shot by two men on drugs and in a public restroom, and the death of my dad who died in the complete darkness. I get to die with the warmth of sunshine on my face. I begged my ex-husband and my ex-mother-in-law for my life. I begged for them to call for help. No one did, and my ex-husband step over my body while on the phone with his mother planning to call my impending death suicide. Then he staged the house to look as such. I am alive and I am telling my story, my truth.
That October Day the sun had wrapped itself around me and comforted me. I wept and was scared too, I think Jesus wept for me, for my family, for my children. He wept for humanity, the lack of empathy and the heaviness that sin had brought into the lives of my little family. He also gave me sunshine, while I wept. I think it was a gift to me that day. Why? October in Georgia could mean days of bitter wind, gusts of cold, rain, storms, tornados and hurricanes, but that day there was plenty of sunshine. God gave me a second chance; God gave me more days to spend with sunshine. I no longer pull the shades, hide from the light, avoid others, or worry about who is in dark corners. I wake up and greet the day. My soul is refreshed and in a whole new way, now I can say - HELLO SUNSHINE!
I am the founder of Tiffany’s 128 Initiative
My mission is for Justice Advocacy and Guidance for women, victims and survivors of Domestic/Family and Gun Violence. Be sure to visit our website at www.tiffanysjaginitiative.com, Facebook, LinkedIn, BlueSky, X, Instagram and YouTube
I wrote Dying in Sunshine over a year ago and was going to release it then but the woman who has filled the emptiness of not having mom, my mom by love and not by blood and she said Tiffany, there will be a time when God will use what happened to you for good and a greater purpose. There will be a time for you to be able to tell the truth of what happened to you and everyone involved in it before and after. You need to tell your story, and it will help other women and families.
Now is that time she is one of those people who has a direct line to God, so I have learned to be still, and listen to her and pray. I fear not. This month is domestic violence prevention, awareness, disruption and justice month. This week my ex-husband will face the charges from his arrest for domestic violence. On Oct 29th it will be two years since his arrest. I have waited so long and endured so much anxiety & fear with the weight of his trial. I do not know what the outcome of his trial will be, but I know that vengeance is God’s. One of my very best friends told me that no matter what his punishment is, it will never be enough to make up for what he did to me. So, if my story helps one person in domestic/family violence then that is generational change,
To show your support please wear purple for domestic violence survivors and victims' wear purple , I am Tiffany Elizabeth Tipton
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