Cellphone on the Ceiling Fan 1.27.26

Cellphone on the Ceiling Fan 

January is National Stalking Awareness month and as I have been promoting it and working with other groups to push information & awareness on social media platforms, I have been asked if I was ever stalked by my abuser who was my husband for 28 years.    So, before I answer that question let's look at how the US Stalking Prevention Awareness & Resources center and the US Office on Violence Against Women defines stalking

Keeping mind this can be by the stalker or someone on behalf of the stalker

• Unwanted phone calls/texts/emails/messages  
• Unwanted “showing up”, being approached
• followed/watched
• Unwanted gifts, cards and letters

Just by going with those definitions - then absolutely 100% I was stalked.  So, I will give you the 3 most distinct instances of my abusers stalking me.

1. He installed a hidden app on my cell phone so that whenever I made a phone call it would record it and he would then listen to the calls.  I only found out after I called & shared what was going on in our house that weekend with a friend of ours & a former colleague of his.  Our friend’s son was staying the weekend with us, and I told the father that my husband (now ex) was being verbally abusive with me and he should come get his son.   My ex listened to the call and then called me furious that I told a friend of ours about his temper & verbal abuse. When I told him that I could report him for recording my calls without my permission, he very arrogantly stated that since his name was on the phone bill he could do whatever he wanted.  I also then called a friend of mine who I had a very personal conversation with earlier and told her that my husband was recording my phone calls without permission.  We then came up with a plan to get a burner from Walmart, which I did, which he found out about and promptly drove me back up to Walmart to return the phone, with the promise he would remove the hidden app. 
2. Before you can ask about this next example, yes, I did file a complaint with the local police department & the police did find him and he admitted it to the police that he was watching me move my belongings out of our marital home.  He broke a court order no-contact & was court ordered not to be anywhere near me while I moved out on a court order date that my ex was to abide by. I even made the police department aware before I went to the house and the conditions of which had to be followed.   This stalking incident was witnessed and reported to the police office so there is a paper trial.   I did not even see my ex-husband recording and watching me that day.  Two individuals helping me move saw a suspicious looking car sitting in another house's driveway.  I did not notice him right away because he was in a new BMW.  I immediately went to the police station, reported it, and the police chief and an officer showed up at the house, took the witness's statement and mine.   As the police are pulling onto my road you could visibly see my ex-husband’s new BMW pulling off onto a side street.  The day after the incident with him watching & recording me move out of the house, I received a phone call from the chief of police apologizing to me about what I had been through because of my ex-husband.  The problem with that apology is there should have been an arrest following him breaking the non-contact judge signed court order which was also part of his bail terms.  Unfortunately, my experience with that particular small law enforcement agency is typical for staking victims.  No one takes the victim seriously until someone is seriously hurt by the stalker or killed. 
3. Cell phone on the ceiling fan (and yes, the ceiling fan was not on).  This one is the most embarrassing because it deals with an intimate moment between my husband and I that was recorded without my knowledge.   He took his cell phone and attached it to the ceiling fan & hit record.  I did not know that a private moment between a husband and wife was being recorded.  Afterwards he showed me the video & how he got away with it.   As a high school teacher in a small town, I was frozen with fear that the video existed and begged him to delete it.  He promised he would and was sorry, not sorry.  I was horrified and scared that there could have been other times he recorded us and I am still fearful that he has private videos and photos.  I did make my divorce attorney aware of the possible videos and photos and part of the court filings did address my concerns that if he releases them to cause me embarrassment or harm then he will be in contempt of court.

So yeah –I was stalked and I was stalked in a variety of ways by my husband.  Stalking is about control and my examples of the control he wielded over me in one way or another.

It is very very rare that a person who stalks another person only stalks just one person in their life.   So be aware of a person’s past relationships, I mean relationships of all kinds, and if you believe you or someone you know is being stalked, please report it, keep reporting and save all the documentation of the stalking.  Stalking steals peace and not just the peace from the victim but the victim’s friends and family.  I have included on Tiffany’s 128 website in this month’s blog a link to www.stalkngawareness. 

Stalking Infographic.  Know it, Name It and Stop it.   Even if you are not ready to leave right now whenever you are there is help please reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE   And you can always reach out to us at www.tiffanys128initiative.com .  In addition, we have included the Disaster Distress Hotline at 1-800-985-5990 due to the extreme cold weather conditions and we want you to know you are not alone and you are never alone - the National Crisis Lifeline 988 and for Veterans 988 (press 1) .  Stay Informed, Stay Alert, Stay Safe and Stay Rooted In Love, Tiffany Elizabeth Tipton